Work: Parts of a breast pump

1) Pulsating motor, which the people in the office next door to the "lactating room" will suspect is really a vibrator 

2) How-to-book, which will press against the "on" button when you walk into work, making your coworkers think it's a (see above)

3) Rubbery part attracts cat hair (low nutritive value)

4) Good for a playdough mold

5) Nipple shield, which will warp and be unjustly blamed for a nipple blister

6) Sanitize this before stepping on it

7) THE MILK: a) shake before serving; the nutrients are in the gunk, b) this will never be as much as you want it to be, c) you need to replenish lost calories with ice cream

TIP: Chanting "boob-boob-boob-boob-boob" in time is NOT helpful

TIP: Even if you don't work out of the house, you'll need a pump when your hormone-caused sack-of-marbles gallbladder explodes, so you can pump-n-dump the milk, which is frothing with narcotics (take these)