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Saturday, December 18, 2010

Two weeks old

Introduction to breastfeeding:

Step 1: Baby appears hungry

Step 2: Position the baby in the cross hold, football hold or lay facing the baby

Step 3: The baby opens her mouth in a wide and polite way, the tongue covering the lower gumline. She may look at you in an adoring way with those huge trusting beautiful blue eyes.

Step 4: Pinch the areola and gently guide it into the baby's mouth.

Step 5: The baby sucks. The baby sucks really freaking hard, as hard as one of those hot tub drains that can kill you it sucks so hard.

Step 6: Scream in pain

Step 7: The baby startles, simultaneously biting down and jerking her head back before letting go in order to scream like a caged bobcat and frantically stuff her hands in her mouth because you are such a nipple wuss she is starving to death.

Step 8: Repeat from Step 1.


  1. This is hilarious! I just found your blog and have now spent waaaaaay too much time looking through it. This one is my favorite. The picture is awesome and the text is so accurate it made my nipples hurt even though it's been over a year since I stopped nursing. Love it!

  2. Thank you! I was thinking about sending this to the La Leche League because I really am a big advocate for breastfeeding but then I realize it's not exactly encouraging.