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Saturday, March 19, 2011


The right boob has always been the overachiever, and has embraced breastfeeding as a glorious triumph, a sacred destiny. Which seems natural, but the left one strongly disagrees, is offended by the idea of such mammalian disrespect. The right boob has goals and dreams; the left stays up all night watching dating reality shows.

The baby loves the right boob and has a strained relationship with the left, causing the right to swell with pride while the left just shrivels in annoyance. The baby can't be blamed; if the food is exactly the same at two restaurants, who wouldn't choose the one with the most enthusiastic and attentive waitstaff?

But, people are starting to stare, and we're going to a party tonight. At the last minute, teddy-bear augmentation is a lopsided nursing mom's only choice.

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